Showing posts with label denial. Show all posts
Showing posts with label denial. Show all posts

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Seed


A far off storm
ripples through the moist
night.

Laying there,
eyes moving beneath taught lids,
my muscles tense as
a stiffness spreads like moist cobwebs
just beneath my skin.

Then, just as
an anesthetic failure on the operating table-
my eyes peel wide with silent panic,
a warm tear falls down my temple;
my tongue is cotton, and
I cannot cry out.

It's not a masked
killer, or an oily, 
tentacled monster that chases me-
but the rotten seed of a plant
sewn from love and left to the frost,
many years before.

We are all each other's
nagging feelings.

They say our ears turn red 
when thoughtful people remember; but
cold fright is more accurate
tale as
a shadow slithers 
across my grave.

Long hours I've spent with ghosts;
judging, questioning,
continuing ill-fated affairs and
imagining unwritten romance.

All the grudges held 
out of unfounded, misplaced pride
and embittered in the fires of 
childish haste;
fall back, turning around
and sour only myself.

All of these things are chasing me

and every moment I lay calm,
resigned to deep dreams-

she finds me,

she hugs me,

and I wake 

screaming.







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Friday, March 4, 2011

Smoking is Sexy


Lucky Strike promises.


Eternal health.


Masculine appeal.


Cowboys.


Motorcycles
and detectives in black and white.


Blues bars- formerly 
choking with atmosphere.
Cigarettes stuck in the strings of
Gibson
Gretch and
Fender.


Embers glowing in
Dylan's shades


Then there was disease-
black lungs in elementary school jars and
holes in the throats of 
ancient puffers speaking with
robotic tongues.


Denial 
Repression
what should be believed
what is inside them?
what is inside of us?
we know
we don't care
we should.


Bogart and Bacall
sharp eyes through hazy air


HS Thompson, pulling through a filter.


Dean eternal,
McQueen eternal-


cool.




Where is masculinity?
What is it?
Where has it gone?


Where is my pipe?
my violin?
my revolver?
or my faithful horse?


Gone they say;
consumed in 
a grey cloud of cancer.


Bitter betterment
at the hands of
lollypops
toothpicks
medicated patches
and electronic
handheld
flavored
fog machines.


Habits die hard
cultures die hard


Nothing for coffee but pastry
nothing for behind the wheel but the radio
nothing to make the throat singe after sex
nothing to complete the image.


ghost limbs
reaching out of celluloid
reaching out of every smoking area
reaching out of the back of your mind


ghost limbs of
identity

Real and Imagined.

  Better to break bones than to endure the loss of perceived love.  Better to bleed internally to keep warm than to seek out comfort in anot...